Phone call started at 5:24. I wonder how long he'll hang on ... I'm telling him I need to look for the name of the insurance company ... 5:30 ... 5:33, "Oh I forgot what it was you wanted me to find?" "The name of the insurance company." "Oh yes, please hang on ..."
5:35 "Sorry, I can't find it, is it important?" "No, not at all. What's the registration?" "KV08WZP" "Volkswagen, silver, right?" He's obviously looked up my fictitious registration number. "Right?" "What side of the car was hit?" The left" "Yes" "And your name is?" "Allen Sullivan", which isn't quite my name. And I spelled it out to him. It's an easy mistake to make.
"You are going to receive two to three thousand pounds". "Oh, I see." "Date of birth?" "14 September 1949" "You sound so young," he said. "Thank you, I said. "Are you retired then?" "No." "Occupation?" "Policeman". All a fiction. Hey, he's lying to me, I can lie to him.
I thought that would put him off, but it didn't. "What was the date of the accident?" "I'll need to look it up, can you hang on?" 5:41, I'll give him a bit of a wait now ...
5:47 "Which accident are you talking about, I've had more than one." "More than one?" "Yes". "June 2013," he said. "OK, can you hold on, I'll go and check ..."
5:52 "It wasn't in June, could your information be wrong?" "Yes, the report is a bit vague" I'll say it is. and he suggested that I find out the date. "OK, I will, hold on ..."
5:59 I think he hung up.
6:04, He called back. I told him it was in August.
Then we spoke about addresses. I told him 74, Chartridge Lane, Chesham HP5 2RG, another fiction. So then he told me that the medical experts have analysed my accident, and that this is enough to cause some aches and pains in my neck and back. And that I deserve £300 or £2000 because of the aches and pains. So I told him that I didn't have any aches or pains.
And then he started giving me the same line. After a few minutes, I asked him to say it again, only slowly please, Imram. And he wants me to confirm that I sustained some pain. No, I didn't. So he said that I might feel some pain in future.
Well, maybe. I can't say that I won't feel any pain in future. "So are you feeling any pains right now?" "No." Which isn't what he wants to hear, of course.
6:15. He gave me assurance that the paperwork will be sent to me, which is unlikely, since he has the wrong name and the wrong address. And we parted good friends.
So here's the scam. He wants me to pretend that a minor bump, at 5mph, while I was parked, has led me to feeling on-and-off pain ever since, and that if I take an oath to this lie, I'll get £3000.
No wonder insurance premiums are so high.