We're improving our service so it's more flexible for you

This was the heading of a letter that I got from my bank recently.

There follows a list of all the great things that they're improving - I get to talk to a "team" instead of just one person. I can ring direct, no need for phone menus. Open all hours. Based in the UK. And so on.

So I called them.

After some back and forth, it turned out that they had nothing to do with "merchant services" (accepting credit cards), only ordinary banking. So the nice chap I spoke to transferred me to another number.

That, of course, was busy, and I got hold music. Then I spoke to a nice lady, who told me that I was talking to the wrong people. I explained that I had two letters, one from her people - devoid of any phone number - and one from Barclays, which did have a phone number, and who I therefore called. She said she'd put me through to the right people.

More hold music.

Meanwhile, I read the letter from the Merchant Services people.

"We're making some changes to our pricing and introducung new pricing plans. This will simplify how we charge you and give you greater clarity around what you pay for."

I translate that to "We're raising the price."

And the hold music continues ...

The music is nice, but wouldn't it be even nicer if they told you how many people were in the hold queue?

Eventually, I got through to a nice lady who was able to answer my question, which was "How much more will I be paying?"

It's about eleven pounds.


 ... update ...

I got a phone call from my bank. They've raised a complaint about the phone issues, and to settle it, they're paying me £30, which I hadn't asked for, but which I've obviously accepted!