And here's the speech I gave at the occasion of Angela's wedding.
Ladies and
Gentlemen, and friends of my daughter, welcome.
I first
met Angela, also known as daughter.2, or Mrs Silverspoonlondon as
she calls herself, when she was quite small. About that small <hands
up and down> - just-like-that. No, no, like that <hands side by
side>. I wanted to show you a video of her being born, but Susan
explained all the horrible things that will happen to me if I do, so
you'll have to make do with just the sound effects. <grunt>
<panting> <pop>. It was easy. I helped with the grunting.
She was a
difficult baby. Sleep didn't come easily to her; many's the night
that Susan and I bickered over whose turn it was to "deal with
that screaming baby". It was often Susan's turn.<turn to
Susan to listen, “what?”> I stand corrected, it was always
Susan's turn
When she
was two, she discovered computers. Well, she discovered the IBM
computer that we had then and a game called "Butterflies".
So she now has nearly 30 years of experience, and if you have any
computer problems, anything at all, go to her. Not me. Not me!
Her
sister's name is Jennifer, alias daughter.1 (naming children doesn't
have to be difficult). Jenny discovered Angie when Angie was just a
few weeks old, and immediately worked out what she was. "Baby",
she said, "Baby!". Angela's first word, by the way, was
"shoes", and I have to warn Charles that he'll have to
blindfold her every time you pass a shoe shop.
So .1 and
.2, only 17 months apart, were almost like twin sisters. I say
"almost", because I don't think twins fight as much as
those two did. But they used to play together. I remember, when they
were seven and eight hearing something going on in a spare room; I
crept to the door and looked in; they had all their Care Bears and My
Little Ponies assembled in a circle, and I think one of the Bears was
marrying one of the Ponies.
Six <
drink water> ... Six Care Bears and six My Little Ponies, all in
a circle.
We took
them on a cruise when they were 13 and 14. The great thing about
cruises, is that you can just forget about your children. You know
they're on the ship somewhere, and you don't care where. And on the
cruise, you get a thing called the "captain's reception",
where the champagne is free. And, theoretically, unlimited. Angie
tested that theory, in a spirit of scientific investigation, and that
was the first time she got totally wasted on champagne. You can find
other places that offer unlimited free champagne if you read her
blog, silverspoonlondon. Silver (point to Charles) spoon (wave a
spoon) London (point all round).
For an
occasion <drink water> ... For an occasion like this there's a
tradition that you relate embarrassing incidents from the life of the
person in the white dress over there with an nervous grin on her
face.
When she
went to Center Parc, we thought "she's gone, we can relax for a
few days". Then the phone call came "I can't stand it here,
take me home". So we had to motor two hundred miles to rescue
her from the living hell of a fully furnished cabin with all mod
cons, in a wood.
We thought
that when she went to university, independence at last! But a phone
call came at 1am, reminding us of all the 1 am times she'd woken us
up with "Want a Dink". But this time, it was a complicated
story that I still don't really understand (remember, I'd just been
woken up at 1am) involving a friend and a lost key and a desperate
requirement that we motor 200 miles to Leamington Spa with a spare
key to let her in. I remember watching dawn come up as we motored
home on the M40, and a very spectacular dawn it was.
So now
she's married. To Charles. And so she's not my problem any more. I
asked Charles if he'd look after her family. He said "No."
"I'll look after Angie, the other 250 people here today have to
look after themselves".
I'm glad
to say that Charles and Angie will be living in Victoria, so that
when the 1am call comes, and I feel sure that it will, it'll only be
30 miles to travel and Susan remembers how to change a nappy.
Who would
have thought that our little baby would grow up into such a beautiful
and clever woman? But I've been lucky twice; Angie and Jenny. No,
actually, it isn't luck. Here's how you get two beautiful and clever
daughters. You marry a beautiful and clever woman. Susan!
I would
like to propose a toast to the caterers.
Oh, and to
the bride and groom. THE BRIDE AND GROOM!
Great speech!!!
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